Happiness is Letting Go

February 11, 2015April 17, 2019 Wendy Wright 0 Comments

Sitting in a wheelchair watching the world go by was never something I dreamed for myself to happen at the ripe old age of 22. Yet there I was.

Dreams shattered.
Life plans altered.
Hope lost.

For Three years.

Three long years
Filled with isolation
Pain
Fatigue,

And a diagnosis that confirmed life would never be the same.

Through restless nights
And tiresome days
That blended together.
Life seemed hopeless.

Everything planned was gone.
Everything hoped for was missing.
Everything was different.
Everything.

Yet one night it all became so clear to me.

Instead of focusing on life and all the beauty that surrounds it
The focus of my mind was only on what was lost.

You never find joy in what you lost.
You find happiness in what you have
What you cherish
And love.

It was not something that magically happened overnight
But days
And months
And week after week.

Looking for a reason to justify what happened
Was futile.

Here I was
In all my glory
With metal and wheels
To glide the way.

But one thing remained true.

I was alive.
It just looked different.
And felt strange.

The me I used to know was gone.
What was left was a stranger.

Who was this person looking back at me?

Once I began to accept that she was gone
Life did not change
But my view did.

Let it go.

So easy to say.
Very hard to do.

So I focused on letting go.
It doesn’t mean the job is finished.
Maybe it never truly is complete.

Focusing on the process
Gives me room to grieve
The loss of the woman I once was.

Gives me permission to embrace the new me
Even if she is barely recognizable
To the little girl inside.

When I choose to focus on letting go
It gives me permission to laugh
And love
And embrace the world today.

Because this choice.
Oh such an important choice
Means allowing goodness
And grace
And all of His love
To be welcomed with open arms
Resulting in something spectacular.

Happiness.